Diary from Middle Earth

This is mineses

Day 1

My birthday is tomorrow! My cousin  couldn't wait till the festivities and gave me this swell diary. I intend to record all of my thoughts and inner most secrets into this book. I will cherish it for the remainder of what I can only assume will be a quiet, reasonably lengthy life.

PS: My favorite color is off-grey. :D

Day 2 (BIRTHDAY!!!)

So, my birthday was kind of lame. It started out nice enough. My cousin l and I went out on a fishing trip, and cousin snagged himself a big one! Unfortunately, it pulled him clear out of the boat. I was a little worried, but he came back up. I dragged him out of the water and, to my surprise, he had another birthday present for me: a beautiful ring! He was a bit apprehensive initially in giving it to me. Can you imagine? It's my present, silly! So I did the only thing I could: I strangled him. Strangled him good. Hopefully this doesn't damper spirits at the party later! 

PS: I think I'm going to show my family my precious, new ring! :D

PSS: Actually, no.

(Editor's note: pages may skip as a result of missing pages, page degradation, etc. )

Day 27

(Editor's note: this log appears to be written in excrement and tears)

I guess my family found the corpse. I was scolded pretty bad. They tossed rocks at me and called me cruel names. It doesn't matter; I still have my ri- OH FUCK! WHERE IS IT? I HAD IT IN MY POCKET! NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE, YOU MUSTN'T, I - Oh, there it is. False alarm. Don't scare me like that... my precious. Uh, anyway. They ran me out of town, off into the caves. That's cool, I didn't trust any of them, anyway... on account of all the spying I've been doing lately. Well, this looks like the least damp corner. I'm going to go sit a while and stare at precious.

PS: Lots of fish in this cave. I HATE fish.

Day 49

Fishes taste good. The rawer, the better. The way they squirm and squish and crunch! Delicious. I offer precious food every once in a while, but I keep forgetting it's just a ring... nothing more... nothing. I'm bored and I miss my friends, my family. I mean, precious keeps me company. But I have needs. At least my eyes are getting acclimated to the low lighting. Oh well, better stay optimistic. Good times are just around the corner!

Day 79

Fuck people. 

Day 489

Most of my clothing has disintegrated off of me. I'm rocking this cool loincloth look. Precious said I look like a wild man - wait... no, precious can't talk. Stupid, stupid! Ow! Sorry... when I get worked up lately, I tend to strike myself violently in the head with a rock to calm myself.

Don't judge.

Day 100,378

I had my first visitor today! :D I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!! I'LL KILL AND EATS HIS FLESH, I WILL! HE WANTS THE PRECIOUS, HE'S GOING TO TAKES IT FROM ME! NO, NO, NO! I'll trick him, yes, yes. Maybe with a riddle?

Day 100,379

Fuck.

Day 100,380

PRECIOUS, WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITH THAT STUPID LITTLE MAN?!?!? I HATES YOU, I HATES YOU!

PS: I loves you, come backses.

Day 101,782

(Editor's note: this entry is covered in unspeakable bodily fluids)

I finally left the cave. Too many bad memories. It hurts us. NO, STOP BEING A PUSSY! Shut up! I... I found a nice, new cave. Met a new friend, too! She's a giant spider. She promises to love us and never abandon us. I'm going to go find her food now. 

Day 200,034

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I got caughtses! Meanies tortured me for days, and I think I gave some information to them. I don't care, I hope they find that fat bastard who took my precious.

PS: I felt like someone was watching me the WHOLE time. Eerie. 

Day 201,235

I escaped! Yay! I could go back to my spider friend, but I'm feeling restless. I want to see the world! I think I'm finally over that sick obsession and I'm ready to move on.

Day 201,246

THEY HAVES IT! THEY HAVES MY PRECIOUS!!!! I'LL KILLS THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: They haven't noticed me yet. I'll bides my time and wait in the dark. The dark is my friend. Most of them are short, anyway. I could take them. There's also an old man and a sissy boy. Two tall, angry looking men walk besides them. I think I'll just... yeah. I'll wait.

Day 201,278

Well, they found me. Fortunately, it's just two little oneses. A fats one and a not as fats one. I hates both, although the less fat one is kind... he loosens my leash! :D

PS: KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Day 201,457

I like the skinnier one. He treats me with respect. No, wrong choice of wordses. Pity. Yes, pity. The fat one hates us. But at least skinny pities. I wants to help him on his quest, even though he has precious. Maybe he'll give it back to us if we do a good job! :D 

Day 201,458 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! I HATEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 202,664

I has to get my precious back. The fat one and less fat one wants to destroy her! I can't allow that, no. Even though precious abandoned me, I can't just let that happen. STUPID, STUPID FOR LETTING HER OUT OF MY SIGHT. Soon, fatties... soon.

Day 202,987

We near the place of precious' birth (and potential death). I'm working on turning the fatties against each other. I think I'll use that which they hold closest to their hearts: food.

Day 202,988

Well, the fatter one has been eliminated! :D I spread deceit, and now he left, eyes full of tears. Good. One step closer to my precious. I think we're near my spider friend... maybe she'll do me a favor. 

Day 202,990

Well, that backfired. Now less fat one knows of my treachery, and fat one has rejoined the cause. They get closer to the mountain of precious' birth by the day! I must stop them!

Day 202,999

(Editor's note: last entry, appears to be written in blood)

Well, this is it. Time to win back the precious! I won't hesitate to scratch, bite, and maul whoever stands in my way. We're near the mountain top... it's very hot. Oh, they're going in the center. Must stops them. WAIT FOR US, PRECIOUS!