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I'm starting to think I wasn't supposed to be born. You ever feel that way? Like, your sperm cell was really, REALLY fortunate? No, just me? Okay. Well, I'm certain this is the case. I know me. I'm no Brad Pitt. I'm not all that intelligent. Social awkwardness is my forte. Either my sperm piggy backed on an Olympic swimmer and committed spermicide as we approached the egg, or I just disproved Darwin's theory. If humans lived in a truly natural world, I'd be Piggy. Yes, that Piggy. The one that wants to talk to everyone, grabs the Conch shell, and gets bludgeoned to death by 12-year-olds... except with my luck, I'd probably be a 27-year-old Piggy, and I'd step on the Conch shell, not clean the wound on my foot, and die of some horrible, septic-y infection. And as I lie in the midday sun, delirious and not smelling my freshest, the rescue chopper appears on the horizon. And they have room for everyone but me. And then some feral pigs - you see what I'm getting at? It's like my one lucky shot was to actually be born. And even THEN they had to perform a cesarean section on account of my goofy, big-headed ass. When I came out, I had a cone-shaped noggin.

Nah, I'm kidding (not really). But that was pathetically hilarious, right? I just haven't been able to think of anything to write. I thought of some funny CSI: China bit, but it's fairly racist. And by fairly, I mean racist. Here's a taste. I'm going to assume my reader isn't a fucking idiot and knows what CSI: Miami is, and how the main character, Horatio (or as I call him, Ginger with sunglasses), says something really lame, puts on his trademark sunglasses, and then The Who starts to play. I'd open up with some gruesome crime scene that Horatio is investigating, when one of his fellow officers comes to an unexpected conclusion. Horatio's response, you ask? "That would be... RIDICUROUS." YYYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH! Oy. It's "in good fun" racist, but people are so PC now it's disgusting. I can't even talk about Jews and I am one! I don't think I can say Jews, either. OH GOD THE ACLU JUST BUSTED THROUGH MY DOOR. But I digress.

Oh, it's Valentine's Day! ...

I sat here for four minutes, staring off into space, before deciding that I had absolutely nothing to write beyond that statement. Well, except for this. Now I'm going to go read Titus Andronicus. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A FEEL GOOD PLAY. Oh... oh God, never mind.